Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
