How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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