im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
