6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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