I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
