and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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