Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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