I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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