i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
