the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
