I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
