Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
