You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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