A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
