At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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