I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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