i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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