She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
