he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
