I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
