It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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