I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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