it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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