i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV