He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter