i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.