I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.