When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
