You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
50% drunk capacity currently
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
