I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
