I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
