why didn't you poke me back
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
