he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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