just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
