i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
