And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
