I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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