Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
