She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
