the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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