Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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