made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize