Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
