This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
