and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Enjoy the penises
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
