ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
