I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
