His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
