Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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