HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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