So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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