We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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