you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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