no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will be naked everywhere
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
