Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
