The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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