You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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