Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
