i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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