I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They took my balls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
