He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
