i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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